advice

“Have you the wing?”

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I didn’t want one. I’ll just get that out there at the start. I was adamant. No ring. Nope! Especially a diamond ring. It just isn’t my style. I was firm in my opinion.

I got a ring.

Hypocrite! I know. I know.

I didn’t want an engagement ring for a host of reasons:

  • I didn’t want a stone sticking out and getting in the way or scratching my face while I slept.
  • Anything I carried around with me that cost a huge chunk of change had better be able to take photos.
  • Women fluctuate in sizes often so what am I going to do when it doesn’t fit anymore?

Truthfully though, my real reasons boiled down to two: 1) I’ve never seen one I liked and 2) I just flat-out didn’t get it. Why do women wear engagement rings? Why are they so expensive? What happens to it after you get married? Why doesn’t the man show he’s engaged?

I understand the fake tradition of the diamond engagement rings. You can read it for yourself. I’m not a huge fan of the diamonds (see above about not wanting a stone to scratch my face while my hand flails about during a crazy REM cycle) so that didn’t factor in. I just still… don’t get it.

So the (then) boyfriend and I had the talk. Not that one – that came later (and that blog will come later). We talked about what I wanted. Well, I talked and he listened and asked questions. I went on my fake tradition rant. I ranted about how men are judged on the kind of ring a woman is given. I ranted about commercialism. I ranted about him not having to wear one. I ranted about the cost. I ranted again about traditions.

I landed on the fact that I wanted his word above all and didn’t care about a ring.

He listened and agreed. And he still wanted to give me a ring.

So I listened to him. I gave him a big list of what I liked and didn’t like.

When he proposed, I ended up with a ring that was a mix of everything I liked and unlike anything I had ever seen. I was actually proud to show my left hand while I ate humble pie with my right.

It's carbon tungsten with lab-made blue opal inlay. Science! FTW!

It’s carbon tungsten with lab-made blue opal inlay. Science! FTW!

We both ended up liking it so much (and we both agreed) that it’s also my wedding ring. Took a bit to convince some friends and family about that – but I still own the final say. My finger. My choice.

Friends, own your opinion but don’t shut out your partner’s wishes. Listen and find a solution. It’s out there.


Title quote reference:

“Have you the wing?”

– Impressive Clergyman from The Princess Bride

Constantly working on my left hook. Terrible at dodging the literal punch. Doesn't mostly care for traditions or society's expectations. Mostly. Married for all of 5 minutes so is practically a certified expert. Annoyingly uses a copious amount of proximity mines during Goldeneye's multi-player mode. Loves Paul. Loves Jesus more than Paul.

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